Dear random teenage boy:

I understand how terrifying it can be to accidentally look at a woman's face up close after gawking at her cleavage from a distance and realize that she's trans. And yes, you are quite right in assuming that transsexual women are stealth carriers of the dreaded "gay cooties," or, as the biologists say, "Cootius Buttsexus."

Furthermore, your strategy of disinfecting yourself by screaming "AHH WHAT THE FUCKING FUCK?! FUCK YOU! YOU FUCKING FRUITCAKE!" is, on the surface of it, quite sound. After all, it's a well-known fact among young, heterosexual men -- by far the group most susceptible to gay cooties -- that screaming the word "fuck" multiple times will usually cleanse one of the infection (which cannot, of course, be combatted with a standard cootie shot, in the way that cis girl cooties can be).

However, it is my sad duty to inform you that your strategy will be ineffective in this case. You see, I've been out as trans for almost three years now. And in much the same way that overuse of antibiotics can open the door for stronger, drug-resistant bacteria to breed freely, so has the overuse of the standard gay cootie treatment in my presence caused fuck-resistant gay cooties to breed in me... a homosexual MRSA, if you will. As of this time, there is no known cure.

Sadly, I can only recommend that you accept this unfortunate condition as best you can, and register a personal ad on Manhunt.net now, before the desperate, overwhelming need for cock becomes too strong to resist and you find yourself tapping toes with an undercover police officer in an airport bathroom.

Logan Airport security appreciates your proactivity.

Regretfully,
Dr. Rachel Katharine Zall